On being an adult
This is a Very Personal Ad, in the style of Havi’s. In fact, I pretty much copied it directly from my comment there. I too am trying to get better at asking for what I want. Unfortunately, most of what I want is internal…
Here’s what I want:
I feel like I’m still a kid. I was young for my class (August birthday) AND I was skipped ahead a grade, so I was always about two years behind everyone else in school. So I always feel like the youngest one in the room.
I take myself WAY too seriously. Even though I was young for my class, I was still the oldest of three children, and I felt like I was constantly being told to “be mature” and “just deal with [perceived hardship or favoritism] because [I'm] older”. I stopped taking piano lessons because my sister was also taking them, and she got precedence on practice time because she was younger, and by the time she was done my mom was sick of hearing the piano so I never got to practice. Long story short, I learned at an early age to take myself REALLY seriously because it was the best way I’d found to Act My Age.
Even if I felt like I was Younger Than Everyone Else.
So what I want is a way to be myself without feeling like I’m way too young to be taken seriously (I’m older than Naomi, for heaven’s sake) and without feeling like I have to take MYSELF excessively seriously.
How this could work:
I’m actually open to advice on this one. Suggestions that aren’t just “suck it up and grow up” are welcome. I’m really not sure how to proceed. Please leave a comment if you have any thoughts about this.
My commitment:
I will do my best to notice when I’m feeling excessively young or taking myself too seriously. I will do my best to correct for it, without BLAMING myself for it. Just because it’s a part of me I’d rather not have doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s bad to have it.
Oh, I so relate to this one. For some reason it’s been coming up for me a LOT in the last year.
I’m also an August birthday – always the youngest, last to get my driver’s license, etc. And also, always one the most mature, always good with “grown-ups,” etc. Kind of a weird paradox?
The way it’s been coming up for me has to do with taking care of myself… feels kind of hard to explain, but it’s like I’m uber-responsible in terms of the outside world, but not when it comes to handling all of my own businessey stuff. Something I’ve been doing lately (which is pretty random and I don’t think is all that related to what you’re looking for) is trying to bring some ritual to the things I *do* do to take care of my own stuff — to be a grown-up without being super serious.
Like, when I do some administrative grown-up thing, like deposit a check in the atm or pay a bill, I’ll say out loud “this is me, taking care of myself.” And while I used to hate those tasks and dread them, now I kind of like them. Weird.
Anyway, lots of luck with this stuff… it is not easy, and just know you are not alone.
I found you through Havi’s Book Of Me post. Boy, do I relate to all of this. July birthday, also skipped a grade, and also the oldest of three. And yes, I take myself very seriously, all while not quite believing I know what the eff I’m talking about/ doing.
My first husband and every friend I’d ever had were all older than me, so I still felt like “the youngest.” And I accelerated quickly through the ranks at work, so, again, “the youngest.” But now I’m in my early 30′s, married to a man younger by 3 years, and recently (finally??) pregnant. My first reaction to finding out I was pregnant? “Am I old enough for this?”
Um, yes, m’dear, at 31 you aren’t going to have any fingers wagged at you for being a teen mother, for heavens’ sakes.
I don’t have great suggestions, only the fact that I completely relate, and that constantly reminding myself that I am old enough for anything – because, hey, I’m doing it, right? – helps.