Lost in Translation

About two weeks ago I signed up for Freak Revolution. Freak Revolution is basically about a bunch of misfits changing the world, and not being judged for who they are in the process. “The world will not be changed by those who fit in” is the title of the manifesto (I think; it’s what’s on the cover, anyway). It’s a good cause and a good bunch of people, and I figured I might benefit from being a member and other members might benefit from my presence. I filled out the application and Pace and Kyeli, who organized Freak Revoluton, approved my application and invited me to hang out and introduce myself.

I haven’t been back to the site since.

It has nothing to do with whether or not I want to be part of the site, part of the movement. I do. And it has nothing to do with any of the people who are in Freak Revolution; some of my favorite people – Naomi, Havi, Seth (I feel like I should call him “Mr. Godin, sir”, although I think that defeats the purpose) – are part of Freak Revolution.

I just feel insufficiently like a freak.

It’s a strange thing to say, especially since I’ve largely been an outcast – whether or not it was self-imposed, whether or not it stemmed from my own social anxieties and depression – for most of my life. But it was never because I was weird. It was because I was a recluse and horrible in social situations – not Asperger’s so much as crippling shyness – and so I pretty much defaulted to introvert and outcast, because the other option was extroversion and life of the party.

I’m not the second-best practitioner in the world of a branch of yoga that turns your brain into a delicious, salty pretzel. I don’t forget to wear a shirt to an impromptu video-conference. I’m just me. I’m not weird at all. I’m not really much of anything. I have depression and social anxiety and a degree in Classical Studies from which the only fruit harvested is the subtag of this blog (Radices cocta simul illo cupisne?, and according to my generally-prevailing philosophy, that tells you just about everything you need to know about me.

But I’m tired of boiling myself down to nothing, like a hard-boiled egg forgotten on the stove. So tonight I’m going to list five weird things about me, and maybe that will give me the nerve to go talk to the people at Freak Revolution. Here they are (the weird things, not the people), in no particular order:

1. The pets outnumber us three to one. I don’t mean fish, either. We have lots of animals in this house. They’re generally free-range, too, although most of the dogs sleep in crates at night.
2. I have a degree with which I do not ever intend to do anything. I started college in 1997 intending to be a professor, left in 1999 to raise a family (this stemmed from a birth-control failure; readers, do not fool yourself into thinking that any method has a 100% success rate), and came back in 2005 to finish my degree. At that point I had two years left, and I could either finish in Classical Studies and get my degree in two years, or find a major that actually appealed to the 2005 me and take 3-4 years to finish. I chose the route that got me the degree, and graduated in 2007 with a BA in Classical Studies. Now I have eight years of Latin and three of Greek, plus countless hours studying ancient architecture, art, literature, and culture, and I have no real desire to ever put it to professional use.
3. I would rather help others than help myself. I put off getting things for myself in favor of other people getting what they want. I help with no expectation of recompense, and am always surprised when people want to pay me back. It’s not a self-sacrifice thing, or a holier-than-thou thing – one of the things that really recharges me is making other people happy, so I do it as much as I can, even when it means I don’t get something else that I want.
4. I used Apple’s GarageBand to create a fifteen-minute “song” of a thunderstorm. It helps me relax and concentrate.
5. I really want to write music for aquariums, planetariums, and zoos. I loved the National Aquarium, the Science Center, and the Zoo in Baltimore when I was growing up, especially the music they used to enhance the experience. I’d love to be one of the people writing that music. It ties in to another of my lifelong goals – to design theme parks and other educational/entertainment venues.

I still feel insufficiently weird. Naomi successfully faked being English for six months. Havi tended bar in Israel. I have cats and dogs, and want to make theme parks. Still, I guess it’s better than nothing. Here goes…