Lost in Translation

Reposted from Twitter:

For the last decade and a half I’ve been dealing with depression. This is not news to anyone who knows me well, but it informs pretty much everything that I do. Even when I’m cheerful I feel like I have a bowling ball in the pit of my stomach. It’s easier to deal with some days than others. For the last few months it’s been almost intolerable. The only things keeping me going are @copygeniusgirl, certain friends, and the knowledge that if I just let go I’d let my son and @copygeniusgirl down. Some days that’s only barely enough, and even on the good days I’m still mired in despair.

“Cheer up” does nothing; neither does “just get over it.” It’s amazingly hard to live with this, especially when I don’t have any kind of treatment for it. Twitter and blogging are my only outlets and lately they haven’t been doing as well at letting me out. I really don’t know what can be done to fix my depression or the pretty much constant emotional (and occasionally physical) pain I’m in because of it. Maybe nothing can. But —

I just wanted to say that out loud, here in the open where everyone can hear it. I’m tired of repressing my feelings for the sake of not offending. For the sake of maybe, possibly, losing readers/friends/clients/whatever because I’m not upbeat. I haven’t talked about it out of fear. And I’m tired of fear, of being MORE miserable because I can’t TALK about being depressed.

You can probably expect more out of me here now that I’ve gotten that out of the way. And to everyone who commented and backed me up – thank you, from the bottom of my heart.